Melaka, Malaysia Part 1

So my eye was getting worse .....what to do??? The doctors don't seem to have a clue.

Anyway for some reason i've picked up a lot of south indian malaysian friends here - all male!!...who all want to take me places, treat me and generally be my best friends. I'm not normally a suspicious kind of person but there just seems to be something fishy about this, I mean sooo many men willing to take me anywhere??? Well (in multiple choice format for the Americans out there) is it because:
A) they think that as i'm from UK, I'm an easy shag?......THINK AGAIN!
B) they're after my money?......working at the lowest possible ranks of the 'lucrative' civil engineering industry, obviously i'm loaded.....NOT!
C) they're after a British passport?....keep telling them i'm never going back!
D) they genuinely want to be my best friend cos i'm such a cool, good looking, (although with my eye i look like a hideous monster), fun loving generally amazing person to hang out with?.....ummmmm

I'm guess I'm just not used to all the attention, it all got a bit too much for me and i was starting to get paranoid...so rushed back to my hotel, packed my bags and got the first bus out of KL to Melaka...a really beautiful colonial port town 2 hours away. A really peaceful and charming place and a lot cheaper than KL. Just what i needed when I have a bad eye and need some rest.

So on arrival, went straight to a private hospital there for some more bad news....my eye was either in such a state because:
A) It was a very bad swelling of the lacrimal gland in which case strong STEROIDS and antibiotics should get rid of it ( well boobs are getting bigger, not sure whether i like the beard though!)
OR
B) it was a tumour, requiring a serious operation. And if that was required...the doctor suggested i should go back to UK where i have friends and family....I was in shock! BACK TO UK.....I don't think so matey!!!

So off for an x-ray which was like being in a space ship surrounded by aliens. They strapped me into this white plastic bed with their 15 wart covered arms, the dry scaley skin flaking away, they warbled to each other and their ping pong eyes popping out of their heads. Then they stuck this very painful needle into my arm and left it pumping this green glutonous dye into my blood vessels. All i could hear was my heart beating so hard , tears welling up in my closed eyes from fear and pain. The bed started jerking backwards feeding my head to the firing rays. This went on for at least 20 mins. Obviously these out of space creatures wanted to find out about the workings of a superior human brain and what better one to chose than mine!
OR
B) were they trying to brainwash me into becoming their human slave back on the planet Zondor?

Anyway x-ray completed..huge stern female Indian doctor..looked horrified....results worse than expected...swelling extending way back behind my eyeball...still not sure what it was though (a swelling or a tumour?)...but in her opinion, because it was painful it was more likely to be a swelling...in which case the millions of pills should work...otherwise back for a biopsy....on Saturday when she is coming in especially to see me.

Phone call to my UK insurance company, who suddenly found a hundred and one excuses not to pay up before I'd even managed to open my mouth...and what the hell do they mean its completely at their discretion?

So although Melaka is a lovely place, I miss out on the big city celebrations for Diwali on thursday and Hari Raya on Sat Sun Mon Tues. Bank holidays on all these days too...so everything will be shut. Well I guess I have to do what's best for my health....getting sensible in my old age!

Part 2 coming soon to an internet near you.